For those of you breathlessly waiting for my tribute to the forgotten boro, wait no more!

There is only one real way to get to Staten Island from Manhattan—and it’s free! I grew up with the Staten Island Ferry. Each ferry is named after some guy I’ve never heard of, but who I’m sure has contributed greatly to society.

These days, the ferry is filled with an odd mix of tourists, who threaten to tip the boat over as they all line up on the side facing the Statue of Liberty, and Staten Island residents, who stay inside playing Candy Crush.

One of the best parts of a Staten Island ferry ride is crashing into the wooden safety docks as the ferry enters the St. George terminal. Nothing beats that high volume screech, like fingernails on the chalkboard on steroids. The newer model ferries generally have a lot more control so they don’t crash often. But if you’re lucky, really lucky, like I was, you’ll hear the screech.

It’s gonna be big. Really big. Huge even. They have a welcome neon lobster—and you thought neon was dead. The Staten Island Eye (Stat Nylin I, if you want to sound like a native), modeled after the famous Ferris wheel in London, is coming…soon. Lots of things are coming…soon.

We’ll be there when they open for business. It will be grand! In the meantime, maybe it’s best to turn around and head home.